A quick little tiny thought.

*Spoilers for the book “The Snow Leopard” by Peter Matthiessen

I read this book called “the Snow Leopard” by Peter Matthiessen. Somewhat of a tough read but It was worth sitting through and finishing. Stream of consciousness is such an interesting way to wright and the way that book was written was a combination of that and daily note taking.

The author was a practicing Buddhist and environmental activist, who died in 2014. The reason why I liked this book so much was because it was extremely straight forward and information heavy. He told the story of climbing through mountain passes in Tibet in search for the elusive snow leopard with his friend he addresses as “G.S.”, short for George Schaller, who was a biologist. In the end, Peter never ends up seeing the leopard, and returns back the way he came after the long journey. He is unbothered that he had not seen it, and appreciates the whole trip as a growing point in his life. All the stories he tells of his dying wife, his son alone at home, his thoughts on the sherpas, his arguments with G.S., thoughts boiling in his dome as he walks.

I guess I can connect this kind of story to things I experience, or maybe will experience in the future. You work so hard towards something in your life, to ultimately see it not come to fruition, but the journey was just as important.

I could connect it to my experience living in another city, and trying to make it. In the end i realized it was not worth it, but I somewhat grew as a person in the years I was gone.

Why is it that I gravitate to books such as this? Is it the grounded approach to story telling, or the connection to Buddhist philosophy, in which I am very interested in? Who knows, I guess only I do.

I was thinking about the Charnel ground, or an above ground burial site. Bodies are laid atop the ground to decompose to the elements of nature, to eventually return to the ground from where we came from. It represent the death of ego; my body is laid among the trees, grass, bugs, sky, air, dirt, and leaves.

every time I lay down in bed, I feel like I am sinking,

into my bed

but also, with my eyes closed,

I try to clear my mind,

I manifest a version of myself in my head, and push away

all the gray expanse in my way, urging towards a nothingness

in order to relax and sleep.

I have a personal journey to find my snow leopard, every night,

when I sleep. In my bed

Haiku:

leaf blower so loud

ban that shit from my city

im just kidding man!

-E